What Happens When Pixy Has Too Much Pepsi
by InvaderPixy
Summary: Well, I had a lot of Pepsi and just wrote this for no apparent reason. It's a story aout all the times Molly and Arthur Weasley had kids. I didn't like it to much, but oh well I have nothing better to do lol.


What Happens When Pixy Has Too Much Pepsi  
  
"Oh God . . . oh God . . . oh God." I nearly fainted when I got the results. Pregnant. Oh God. I was pregnant. "ARTHUR!" I screamed. He came running into the room.  
  
"What is it, Molly?" He asked.  
  
"I - I -" I couldn't say it. I just shoved the home pregnancy test thing in his face.  
  
"W-what?!" said Arthur. Then he grinned. "We're pregnant! Woo!" he cried.  
  
"Excuse me?" I asked. "We are not pregnent. I am. You're not the one that has to go through all that pain and suffering."  
  
"Well, hey, didn't you say you wanted a kid?" He pointed out. Damn it, he was right.  
  
"But, Arthur, we've only been married a month! I wanted to wait a while! Ah damn it!"  
  
"Hey, what should we name him?" asked Arthur.  
  
"What makes you so sure it's a him?" I retorted.  
  
"Fatherly instinct." Arthur said. "I can tell."  
  
"Well, motherly instinct tells me it's a girl. The damn things growing inside me I think I can tell better then you!"  
  
Arthur grinned. "What would you name her if it was a girl?"  
  
"Hmmm," I thought. "Well, either Mariena or Virginia. Maybe even Sandra if I wanted to."  
  
Arthur made a face. "Not Sandra! Ugh! I hate that name! If it's a boy I want his name to be William, after my father."  
  
"William," I said, "that would be okay. But I'd rather call him Bill."  
  
"Okay then, Bill it is." Arthur replied.  
  
"You mean Mariena," I told him.  
  
"No," he said with a grin, "Bill."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Nine months later, we were still arguing. I was running into the hospital, little Virginia (I started to like Virginia better) wanted to be born.  
  
"Damnit, Molly, it's gonna be a boy." Arthur insisted.  
  
"IT'S A GIRL AND HER NAME IS GINNY!" I screamed. People turned to stare. "FUCK OFF!" I yelled at them. They fucked off.  
  
We ran into the maternity ward. "MY DAMN BABY GIRL IS BEING BORN!" I cried. "HELP ME!"  
  
I went into a little room and the Muggle doctors went to work. "Push!" They cried, every now and then. The hours melted together, and the pain was unbearible. All I remember was pushing, then falling back onto my pillow, sweating. Then getting up to push again. It happened, I swear, about fifty times before I heard a scream.  
  
"It's a boy!" The doctor cried.  
  
"HA!" Said Arthur, when he procliamed this. "IN YOUR FACE, MOLLY!"  
  
I colapsed on the bed. "DAMNIT, GIMME MY BABY!" I cried. "ARTHUR'S GONNA FREAKIN' DROP IT, IF I KNOW HIM!"  
  
"I won't drop Bill," Arthur said, looking put out.  
  
"Gimme him anyway." I said, calmer. The doctor handed me baby William. I had never seen anything so beautiful in all my life. "Hello, Bill." I said. He looked kind of sick, so I handed him to Arthur.  
  
"Hello, Billy boy." Arthur managed to say, before little Bill threw up all over him.  
  
"In your face, Arthur." I said, as the nurse went to get him some towels.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Bill was only a todler, when it happened again. I was feeling pretty sick, so I went to the bathroom and threw up. That was the eigth day in a row it happened.  
  
"Molly, are you feeling alright?" Arthur asked me. He lowered his voice. "Are, you, um. . . ."  
  
"I think I might be." I told him. "I'm three weeks late."  
  
"Yay! What should his name be this time?"  
  
"It's going to be a her, and her name will be Ginny. I already told you."  
  
But Arthur was ignoring me. He went over to Bill. "What do you want your baby brothers name to be?" He asked him.  
  
"You prick." I said to Arthur. I picked up Bills toy. "Fetch," I told him, and threw it. "Daddy and I need to talk."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Baby! Baby! Baby!" Bill was walking around the house with a pot and a big spoon, banging on it repeating the same word over and over. "Baby! Baby! Baby!"  
  
I had a headache. "Arthur," I said. He walked over to me.  
  
"Yeah, Molly?"  
  
"Make Bill shut the fuck up." It's not that I didn't love Bill, but I have a gigantic temper.  
  
"Bill," Arthur said warningly. Bill went upstairs to do his banging.  
  
"I'm due any day, Arthur," I said, "And we still don't have a boy name."  
  
"Told ya!" Arthur said proudly. "You know he's gonna be another boy!"  
  
"It's only a just in case thing," I said, loosing my temper. "I know it's going to be a girl, but just in case it isn't, what should we name him?"  
  
"I know!" said Arthur, suddenly. "Let's ask Bill!"  
  
"Sure, that's a good idea. Bill!" I called to him. Bill came down the stairs, throwing his pan and spoon first.  
  
"Bill, if your mother has a baby boy, what should his name be?" asked Arthur.  
  
"Umm. . . . Ummm. . . . Ummmm. . . ." He smiled. "Dracula."  
  
"We're not getting anywhere quickly," I said.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Back to the pushing, and the pain. Push, pain, push, pain. Hours on end.  
  
"What's going on? Why's it taking so long? Bill came out in like five minutes!"  
  
"FIVE MINUTES?!" I screamed. "TRY THREE HOURS!!"  
  
"Three hours?!" Arthur said. "Well, the time just flew by, didn't it?!"  
  
"AH, FUCK IT! JUST LEMME PUSH IN PEACE!"  
  
"Fine then," said Arthur, and sat down. Another eternity before I heard the scream.  
  
"OH THANK GOD! ARTHUR! WE'RE NEVER GETTING PREGNANT AGAIN!"  
  
"It's a boy!" The doctor yelled.  
  
"OH SCREW IT! I WANNA DAMN GIRL! WE'RE GONNA TRY AGAIN NEXT YEAR, ARTHUR!"  
  
"Ha! A boy! Told ya!"  
  
"Well, what's his name going to be?"  
  
"I have no clue," Arthur said. He glanced at the doctors name tag. It said Charles. "How about Charlie?"  
  
I was too tired to argue. "Sure, you not?" I said, before closing my eyes and falling asleep.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Just as I promised, we tried again one year later. It took a weeks worth of screwing sessions before it turned blue.  
  
"FINALLY, GODDAMNIT!"  
  
"Finally, Goddamnit!" I heard a voice echo outside the bathroom door. It was Bill, age two.  
  
"Bill! Do not use that language!"  
  
"Finally, Goddamnit!"  
  
"Ah frick this. ARTHUR! HELP THE KIND UNLEARN SWEARS!" Arthur was better with the kids then me.  
  
"Can you do that?" He asked me, opening the door to the bathroom.  
  
"Well, you can try," I said, gritting my teeth. "It's blue. I need a rest."  
  
"Blue? Finally!" said Arthur. "God, we've been waiting forever!"  
  
"Ya, I know. I need to sleep. Neither of us have had much of that this week."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"DAMNITDAMNITDAMNIT!! SHE'S FINALLY HERE!" I was in the stand, watching a Quidditch match with Arthur and the boys. How Arthur talked me into it, I'll never know. I dislike Quidditch.  
  
Many people turned to me and stared. "MY BABY GIRL IS FINALLY HERE!" I started to walk down from the stands, some magical docotor (no doubt there to help injured Quidditch players) ran into the stands ,took my hand and pulled me off my seat.  
  
"It's alright, it's alright, it's going to be okay," he kept saying. I felt wetness at my feet.  
  
"MY WATER BROKE!" I screamed. People in the stands turned to watch me instead of the game. I was in the very top of the stands, farthest from the game. Arthur was following me, a look of surprise on his face. Bill was looking at me, but Charlie was still seated, watching the game.  
  
"Get the kids, Arthur," I told him. He nodded, and picked both of them up. He sat them of his sholders and followed me down the steps. We seemed to be going down the steps for an hour at least. By the time we were leval with the feild, I lost it all. I couldn't stand any longer.  
  
I think I might have had a slight nervous breakdown, as well with a child birth. I screamed and collapsed onto the feild. The game stopped, and eveyone was watching me. I felt like I was on a soap.  
  
"AAARRRGGGHHH!" I screamed. "I'M PUSHING NOW, HE'S COMING OUT RIGHT HERE!"  
  
"No, no no no, don't do that," the man told me. "You'll just tire yourself out."  
  
"DAMNIT!! PUT A SPELL ON ME, MAKE HER COME OUT NOW!!"  
  
The guy looked surprised. "Umm . . . I've never tried it before but . . . okay . . ."  
  
At the same time he yelled whateer spell it was, I screamed with pain. The pain increased and I thought I was going to die . . . but then it stopped. I was lying on a Quidditch feild (near the exit, but that's still on it), and there was a baby in the doctors arms. All the players were standing on the gound, watching me.  
  
"It's a -"  
  
"Don't tell me another boy?!" I screamed.  
  
The doctor made a noise in his throat, and handed the baby to me.  
  
"Damnit," I said, realizing he, indeed, was a boy. I looked around, trying to find a good name. I spotted my purse sitting on the grass. "His name is Percy and if you wanna different one, too damn bad." I told Arthur.  
  
He smiled and shook his head.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
It took us over a month to get pregnant again, once we started trying again, that is. I finally gave in and took fertility drugs. By this time, Bill loved money. He did everything in his power to get money. It was kind of funny, really, he'd set up a lemonade stand in the Muggle part of town, and get money that was useless.  
  
Charlie was extremely exhubarnt. He was also outside doing somthing, like watching the older wizards playing Quidditch, or looking for animals under rocks. That's something I hated.  
  
This was about the time I got pregnant again. The baby kicked me constantly, and it felt as if she was trying to kick right out of my stomach. It was just plain painful for me.  
  
It was the longest nine months of my life. I got huge, much bigger then the other kids, and during the week I was due, I caught sick.  
  
My wand was sitting on my bed, and I didn't see it, so of course I went to lay down and broke it. And I was sick, on top of it all.  
  
Arthur was at work, and I was sick as a dog. I couldn't do anything without a wand, so I did the only thing I could do. I took the kids and went to the Muggle store. Good thing we had some Muggle money put aside for emergancies.  
  
I walked to the store, called Wal-Mart, and right when I got in there, there was a giant downpour.  
  
"Perfect," I said, in an undertone.  
  
Charlie ran for the carts. He grabbed one, and started running around with it, hitting Muggles, laughing the whole way. Soon, Bill joined him. Percy stood at my side, watching them with an aloof look.  
  
"C'mon," I said, looking at Percy. "Let's get Mommy some soup." I grabbed Percys hand and called to the other boys. They ignored me, as usual.  
  
"Damnit," I said, very quietly. We walked to the food section, and I got some soup for me. Suddenly, I felt a contraction. I paled, but ignored it. "No, no, no." I said in my mind, "Not in a Muggle store." But the kid was more peristant then I thought.  
  
"Attention all shoppers!" A voice called.  
  
"Wonderful! Now I'm hearing voices!" I shouted, and the people in the isle gave me surious glances.  
  
"Attention all shoppers! You are no longer allowed to leave the store! There has been a tornado warning, and nobody is allowed outside untill it is over. That is all." The voice went away.  
  
I paled even worse. I can't leave? I felt another contraction. Ohshit. Damnitihatekids. I grunted, and there was a puddle at my feet. Bill and Charlie came down my isle.  
  
"MOMMY WET HER PANTS!" Bill cried out. People started coming into the isle I was in. Suddenly, more pain.  
  
"SHIT!" I yelled. "I'M GIVING BIRTH! AGAIN!" People crowed around even more after that statement.  
  
"Just stay calm," a woman told me. "I've done this before, I know how to do it." A teenager was at her side.  
  
"DAMNIT I KNOW HOW TO DO THIS BETTER THEN YOU! I'VE DONE IT THREE TIMES BEOFRE!" I cried. The woman pulled back.  
  
"Well, you're welcome!" She told me, and pulled her daughter away. The daughter was wearing all black, and smoking a cigerette. She pulled the cigerette out of her mouth, and blew out the smoke, then making a bubble in the gum she was chewing. Great. I needed help from the mother of a Gothic girl who can smoke and blow bubbles at the same time. She must have been a great mother.  
  
I sat on the ground and cried. Then, I lay down and pushed with all my might. And did it again, and again. People were staring, but I didn't care anymore. All I wanted was to be rid of the pain. It took forever, but I heard a screaming. It was the loudest thing I've ever heard. I started to stop.  
  
"DON'T STOP!" Someone shouted. "THERE'S A SECOND!"  
  
"A-A SECOND?!" I screamed."NO, THERE IS NOT TWO! THIS IS ONE KID!"  
  
"No, I'm pretty sure there are two . . ." The same voice said.  
  
"Dumass!" I said in my mind. Yet I still pushed and five minutes later there were two babies in my arms and I was exausted. "Never . . . agian . . ." I panted.  
  
"What are their names gonna be?" Someone asked me.  
  
I thought. "Fred and George, after my father and his brother." I said at last. By that time the storm had passed, most people were still hanging around because of me. I stood up, and started to walk home. The Gothic girl parent offered me a ride, and I said, "Ahno," and kept walking toward home. A little bit later the man that said there were two babies asked me if I wanted a ride. I took it for a while, then got out a block from my house. I walked the rest of the way. When I got there, Arthur was sitting at the table.  
  
"What the hell?!" He asked when he saw the two newborns.  
  
"They were bron in Wal-Mart" I told him, and colapsed in a chair. I slept.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Fred and George were two when I got pregnant again, without meaning to.  
"DAMNIT ARTHUR!" I screamed at him. "IT HAPPENED AGAIN!"  
  
"Huh," he said. "I wonder why."  
  
"LET'S THINK! IT LOOKS AS IF YOUR ANTI-PREGNENCY SPELL DOESN'T WORK! DAMNIT, ARTHUR, THEY'RE CALLED CONDOMS!"  
  
"Well, they're damn uncomfortable!"  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! YOU'VE NEVER WORN ONE BEFORE!"  
  
Arthur looked at the floor. "Well they look uncomfortable . . ."  
  
"And when have you seen one on, Arthur?" I asked him.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Ronald was born in a hospital. That's all that happened. His birth was of the normal sort, and I got there in time. But a year after, I got pregnent again.  
  
Bill was nine, Charlie, eight, Percy, five, Fred and George, three and Ron one. Finally, I got what I wished for.  
  
Virginia Weasley was born in a hospital, thank you very much. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. She had eyes just like mine, and her fathers flaming red hair. Arthur was quite bald from stress by that time, yet he and all the kids had the same hair. They all crowded around to look at Ginny.  
  
"She's beautiful,"Arthur told me. "Just like her mother."  
  
Damn straight, I thought. And finally. 


End file.
